Thursday, January 6, 2011
hope is the thing with feathers.
i hope you guys will indulge me with a few more posts on my current career situation. getting back out in the job market again is a really weird sensation; i moved on from my last full-time job without a gap in employment, and while i am doing consulting work, i now get to pick out what it is i really want to do. it's scary and exciting and liberating, and while i promise not to talk too-too much about it here, i do want to share my thoughts and feelings on it all with you, especially because i know many of you are, or know people who are, in the same position.
for some reason, i keep coming back to eat, pray, love (don't judge). i'm not sure if it's because i recently rewatched the movie, because i'm feeling like i need to get away for awhile -- maybe even relocate someplace new -- or because i just really admire elizabeth gilbert's conviction that she needed to truly recreate her own life to be happy and give fully to others. whatever it is, it's a recurring thought.
for the last two months, i'd been pretty checked out -- from my friends, from my family, from my life in general. i tried not to show it here, but i started to develop an apathy towards my life, and those of you who know me in real life know that apathetic is not something i am. so it was scary. i started wondering if maybe i was depressed -- if maybe i should see a therapist; be on medication. that's why the following dialogue from the movie version of eat, pray, love really resonated -- it's a conversation between liz and her best friend, delia:
delia: you have a support system here, liz! you have friends and family who love you.
liz: and do you feel my love for you? my support for you? no! there's nothing! i have no pulse!
exactly. that's exactly how i felt.
the good news is that i'm starting to get my pulse back. i'm scared about next steps, but i can't stop thinking that this is an opportunity. in the past 24 hours, i've gotten numerous emails about both full-time and part-time work from my own support system -- it's overwhelming in the best way possible, and i feel so utterly grateful and humbled. i'm starting to feel that my life is my own again; that i want to love and support my friends and family again the way they love and support me. and it's an amazing feeling -- like emerging from a cocoon and seeing and feeling sunlight for the first time in months. so if any of you are going through the same thing right now, i just want you to know that there is light, and even though it may not feel like it right now, i promise you will feel its warmth again.